Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
