I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
