And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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