Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
