yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
