That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
