I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
