go do what you do best...puke behind churches
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
