I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
