Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
