Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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