she was so not down for the gang bang
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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