You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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