**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
