Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
