Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
