You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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