Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
