My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I enjoy the company of your penis
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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