you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
