Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
the condom got lost in my hair
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
