I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
