ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
