take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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