u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
