a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
