I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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