i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
