The maid of honor just puked.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Tornado booty call.. dedication
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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