Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
