Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
