I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
How does it feel to date your dad?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
