that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I am mentally ready for anal.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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