tell your sister to shave her snatch
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
