I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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