You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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