But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
