They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
