She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
