You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
