well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
