in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You need Xanax blowdarts
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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