Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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