we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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