she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
