sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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