I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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