Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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