the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm just crazy horny about you
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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