Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
