my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
