My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
