Apparently you make a good broom.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
