She said her name was "party"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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