How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
