But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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