As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
