Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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