i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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